she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
