I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Need sex. Gaining weight.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
