I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You dont lie about slip and slides
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
