Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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