Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize