I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
