she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
do nipples grow back?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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