Where did you get a picture of my penis
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just found puke in my bra..
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
