Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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