dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
