Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
