Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
