This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
