Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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