I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
