It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
