ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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