Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
