Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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