You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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