I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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