so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
