You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
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I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
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He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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