Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
