I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
