i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
