I think i peed on brittanys purse
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
