I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
