glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
