Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Duck Duck Cougar?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
