the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
