Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
