I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
