i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
