i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
