I must be too annoying 4 u.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
