Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
