Nicole vs. Life
Betty ford says i'm here all night
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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