Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
