Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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