Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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