Your dad touched me again.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
