the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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