WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
