i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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