Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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