Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
