you guys were way drunker than both of me
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
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