Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
