Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
