You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
