went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
