Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
