his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
