but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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