Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
