He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize