Me too!
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
