so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize