call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize