god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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