david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
